Thursday, January 18, 2007


Thoughts of how fast my life is flying past me are troubling my mind. I was watching some old home movies at my uncle's house the other night when I became painfully aware of the merciless current of time. There was a clip of something that seemed like it happened a month ago. Suddenly, I realized it was 16 years ago! My jaw dropped and my mind went addled. I couldn't believe it had been that long!

"Letting the days go by". For real. It doesn't matter if you're having fun or not, time flies. The first 20 years of my life seemed to be slower, but looking back, I just thought it was slow. This week might seem slow, today might seem slow, but it's not. It's jetting through time. I want to stick out my claws, and dig in, like a cat in a cartoon, hanging on for dear life, leaving claw marks on the doorjam of life.

It seems like just months ago I was too young to drive, sitting on my bed in my room at my parents' house dreaming about getting out, and starting to live. I think about the dreams I've let slip, and the fantasies I've had to abandon due to time and age. That kid would be pissed at me for letting him down, I'm sure. But maybe I should be angry with him for sitting on that bed, daydreaming, when he could've been doing something.

The things and people I've loved and lost flash through my mind like a slideshow. It hurts now thinking about them. Time seemingly removed those emotions, but here they are again, albeit merely a microscopic fraction of what once was.

I've lived almost 33 years, and I've seen or experienced a lot but not even a measurable fraction of what exists. What does it mean? Does it mean anything? It means everything and nothing all at the same time, to me.

I don't mean to sound philosophical, because I'm not. I don't really care for philosophy. I think you can look at life's tangents and facets without outlining a philosophy to explain or describe it. I'm just being sentimental and nostalgic. It's a self-indulgent almost depressing sort of melancholy.

I think it's good to take a look back from time to time. It's not like it matters, though. By this time next millennium, there will be nothing left of me. Not even a bone fragment.

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