Monday, May 15, 2006

Buffalo Meat & Divorced Parents

I went over to Montgomery with my cousin Matt for some grub last night. We went to Smokeybones and had some buffalo. It was good, I reckon. After that, we went over to 1048 for some live jazz. That was cool, too. On the way home, Matt brought up the subject of relationships with women from broken homes. It got me to thinking.

I started out trying to think of the relationships I've had with women from broken homes. Then, I started trying to think of any that weren't from broken homes. I couldn't. Every girl I've ever been with has come from a divorced family! Then I started trying to think of any girls I know that have come from an unbroken family. Besides my cousins and sisters, I couldn't.

What's up with that? Matt made that point that they probably have some sort of insecurity about themselves that stems from having parents who weren't willing to stay with them. I brought up the point that maybe they just aren't as willing to make things work as someone from a functional family. If something about a marriage/relationship displeases them, they feel like it's ok to just call it quits. It's like if you find out your parent did something when they were younger, you are more likely to do it because they are your role model. Luckily, I've always been able to discern that character flaw early enough to get out without too many strings attached.

Now I'm wondering if there ARE any women who's parents never got divorced. That has never really been a criteria by which I discerned what I wanted in a woman, but I'm beginning to wonder if it should be. I've never put that 2+2 together and realized I've always been with girls from divorced parents.

And why have I always been attracted to women who've come from divorced parents? Are they more loose morally? Is that the attribute to which I'm attracted? I don't think so. Maybe they just keep themselves better. They know they'll have to be looking for another man soon, so they keep themselves up. Young women who's parents have always been together might believe a man should like them for who they are more than how they look. They aren't as concerned with catching another guy all the time. They want a longer term commitment. But I don't think I'm that superficial.

Honestly, I'm wracking my brain, but I can't think of one girl around my age who's parents haven't been divorced, or had some sort of infidelity in the family. I can think of some that might, but I guess when your parents stay together, you don't advertise it. That's weird, too. Girls from broken homes broadcast it.

I think my next relationship, if I ever HAVE another relationship (at this point, I'm very happy by myself), I'll try to find a girl from a normal family.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Young women who's parents have always been together might believe a man should like them for who they are more than how they look. "

--If a girl is from a broken home, isn't that part of who SHE is? I think my parents' split has definitely affected me in the relationship arena. I think that's one of the reasons that we "broadcast it," so that a guy will understand if we get spooked a little too easily.

8:50 AM  
Blogger Tonewah said...

Thanks for the comment. That's a convenient excuse, though, don't you think? I mean, it wipes out every character flaw with one broad stroke. "Mommy and daddy broke up, so I can be 'insert bad character trait here' all I want. And you can't complain, because I broadcast that I came from a broken family." Spooked? I don't see a real reason for any 'spooking'. If there is any at all, it's going the other direction, too.

12:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree, and I don't mean to insinuate that a broken home is an across-the-board excuse for poor relationship behavior. I also don't think that it is a reason to not consider someone, though. I think the same mistakes can be made in relationships by people from broken homes, and those not from broken homes.
Consider this, too. Not all marriages are happy ones. You may have one girl from a broken home, and another whose parents have been married for 25+ years, but keep separate bedrooms and fight all the time. Who do you think has a better chance at being well-adjusted...whatever the heck that is?

12:57 PM  
Blogger Tonewah said...

My parents don't have separate bedrooms, or beds, but, if they did, I'd still know they love each other. Maybe it's not normal to you or me, but in some societies, yelling at each other and fighting is communication. Like the Italians. And you'd better not say they don't love one another. lol. You'll be sleeping with the fishes.

Maybe those families with separate bedrooms are just both the kind of people who need more privacy. I wonder sometimes if I might be like that. Relationships are give and take. If someone's wife/husband is REALLY adamant about sleeping together every night, s/he might give in on that point. Especially if it's just that s/he finds it easier to go to sleep alone. I've known guys who were ex-military that couldn't sleep on beds. He'd stay with his wife until she went to sleep, and then he'd get on the floor to sleep.

OK, I give a little. There used to be a lot of families that would stay together strictly to avoid the shame of divorce. Seriously, that doesn't happen nearly as much anymore. They were typically families where the wife was physiclly abused regularly, adultery was going on or something like that. Those were legitimate reasons for divorce. It wasn't like now, where someone gets pissed off because their spouse brushes their teeth wrong, has bad breath, doesn't talk to them right, or something stupid like that. It's selfish. Nothing will ever be exactly as we've imagined it.

I think, from my experience, that I probably won't work with a girl from a broken family or whatever. That's just how it seems to me.

1:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, you're entitled to that for sure.

Kudos on the buffalo meat, though.


9:06 AM  
Blogger Tonewah said...

Thanks for the comment.

The buffalo was good.


11:47 AM  
Blogger Tonewah said...

I just re-read this post, and I realize it sounds a little harsh. I don't think I should have implied that divorced families weren't normal. What is normal, these days, anyway?

10:56 AM  
Blogger Leah said...

Amazingly, both of my roommates have parents who are still married, which is certainly a rarity. My neighbor's parents are still married too. But they are dysfunction junction. My parents divorced when I was 12 or 13. Sure, it shaped who I am today. Both parents remarried, so would that still be considered broken? In my opinion and experience, if you compare girls with broken homes to girls with unbroken homes, you will find the same insecurities. I know many, many girls from unbroken homes that slut out with the best of them. Conversely, girls from unbroken homes become secure, confident, perfectly moral women.
To say something like, "girls from broken homes are such and such" is a sweeping generalization, I think.

1:00 PM  
Blogger Tonewah said...

You're absolutely correct, Leah. Those types of sweeping generalizations would be unfair. However, my experiences have influenced my opinion. When you do something long enough, and it doesn't work, you look for a common thread. Mine is that I've always been with young ladies from divorced families. That doesn't mean it's their fault AT ALL.

You know many, many girls from 'unbroken' families? Where? lol.

1:08 PM  
Blogger Leah said...

Fair enough. I see that your experiences have shaped your opinions as well. I will compile a list of "unbroken family" girls for you. We will review them one at a time. Preferably over a few beers.

Also, life is so multifaceted that divorced parents are but one of the factors that mold people into who they are.

2:11 PM  
Blogger Tonewah said...

Multi-faceted. I use that all the time. It's true. Every situation has multiple angles from which it can be viewed.

I look forward to the list and the beer. lol.

2:34 PM  
Blogger Leah said...


4:42 PM  

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